World DominationWorld Domination
Earth Invasion Status Report:
I have inhabited the body of a local inhabitant and am making preparations for the main battle fleet's arrival. My host is named Douglas Crews, and I chose him based on demographic analysis, tarot cards, and the all-important evening gown competition. Doug is married to a female of the species named Ellen. I suspect she is also of alien stock, as she is too beautiful and intelligent to be from this accursed planet originally.
Here, I'll let him say a few words:
Hi, I hope you like my homepage. I don't have as much time to devote to it as I'd like. But that's okay, since I really have better things to do than to sit around and worry about what people will think about my Web page, and whether they'll like it, and how some people just feel the need to write long, long, boring run-on sentences about themselves that you just wish would end, but they can't stop because they're just so damn full of themselves that they think everyone wants to read their pathetic little life history. Did I mention that I lived in Swaziland, Africa when I was three years old...?
OK, that's enough. Back in the box, you slimeless two-eyed freak.
Doug is what's known as a "programmer/analyst" (apparently this requires long hours of computer gaming to keep one's skills up to date, or so he tells me) for GERS Retail Systems, which was foolish enough to offer him a job. Of course, one cannot blame them, since his resume is actually quite impressive, for a local. Doug wears contact lenses and can frequently be found eating fruits, vegetables, and processed animal flesh.
Doug wants to say something else:
The one thing about me that makes me so much better than everybody else is my modesty. That, and I always keep my comments short and to the point. That is, you won't find me blithering on and on when a single sentence will do. I always know when to Gaaaack!
Sheesh. That choke-chain is really coming in handy.
Visit the sites of other slimy tentacles visiting your planet. Resistance is futile. You will be slimed.